I feel so all alone. I feel so numb and unfounded. I feel so hopeful. So fearful and young and childish and naive and like a turtle or a bear stale from hibernation or like maybe an adult should feel. Did I understand that I'd be middle-aged? No, I did not. It happens to others, not to me. I wish men would respect us old ladies more, but they do not. 

I need to be out of my room. I need a little of the energy of the people in here. Some attention, too. It enhances the Emotions. In a kind of sweeping sense of denial? How may I contribute? Why does my optimism keep flaring up?