Have worn out looking for the old the established

 Look, I'm not trying to be ungrateful. And for it to be thrown in my face every time I let a concern slip just seems mechant. I'm maneuvering the shit thrown at me in the most truthful way I can. I'm not perfect. Quit expecting it of me. This loneliness is real. I'm not making it up. I'm sorry that I'm suffering so much. I know I ain't the only one. I know a lot of it's cerebral. I know that there are humans going through depths of sorrow that are unfathomable to me. You want me to let you know I'm in pain, but then you twist it so that I feel I must hide it again. I'm not comparing our pain. Mine is not superior or inferior or false. I'm expressing it, maybe even trying to set it free. I'm wallowing. I'm aware of that and attempting not to. I wasn't raised with coping mechanisms. I have to come up with them on my own. So quit fcking judging me for it. Quit telling me to be kind to myself and then coming after me with pitchforks. I'm tired of the whiplash.